Hey, I've got some questions. What tier do you put Azathoth and Nyarlathotep at? What's your opinion on all the Cthulhu Mythos downplays? (examples: the mythos being multiversal at best or other characters being able to solo the mythos because the outer gods are "featless")
Running away, trying anything to get better in desperation. Losing all you love and have any prise in. You deserve to be losing all youre friends and have everything fall apart. You deserve to rot and be forgotten, the world will rejoice to that.
All those things are obviously not true. You're a very accomplished and well liked person. You don't deserve anything bad and you're extremely valuable to many. I'm really sorry to hear that you feel this way.
Maybe you should take a break from Wikia for a while (which you seem to be doing on VS). And while doing so try to relax and collect your thoughts and feelings. Antvasima gave you some good advice on your wall and I'm sure Gwynbleiddd would as well. If things get especially bad, please try to seek the aid of professional help or a close one if possible.