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Why does looking at this image give one the inexplicable urge to strangle the person depicted in it?


We've all seen bad fanfics. For one reason or another, they just don't work. The characters are interpreted wrong, the spelling is bad, the OCs are horrible, etc.

But none of them come close to the monstrosity that is Shinra High SOLDIER.

In this Final Fantasty VII High School AU that is confusingly not an AU (The author attempting to make it fit in with the actual game's lore, but throwing that out the window with the cancelled sequel Silent Melody, with out-and-out goes against the FFVII story), the main character known as Julia Nakahamou joins Shinra High, falling in love with fellow student, Sephiroth. As time goes on, they become the General and Commander of the Shinra military, marry, and have a son, but Professor Hojo (Their consistent enemy) ends up killing Julia as Sephiroth is possessed by Jenova.

Now, normally this would not be so bad, but boy oh boy it is. The main plot being incredibly sluggish, its excessive length, Julia being a completely unlikeable character (Who also possesses several Mary Sue traits) who literally commits genocide on an entire kingdom of innocent people and yet it still invariably considered the hero, not to mention brutally torturing someone over something as simple as breaking her sword.

Due to how utterly despicable she is, she has taken her rightful place as the most pathetic character on this wiki, and shall likely remain there for a long time.

Powers and Stats

Tier: Assigning any tier to such a despicable being would be an insult to the concept of tiers in general

Name: Julia Nakahamou/Okoku

Origin: Shinra High SOLDIER

Gender: Female

Age: 22

Classification: Mary Sue (Of the Black Hole, Sympathetic, Jerk, Relationship, God-Mode and Mary Tzu variety), Mass Murderer, Main "Protagonist", Worst Character Ever

Powers and Abilities: Completely bullshit Plot Armor (Somehow managed to fully recover from having her lungs pierced by her ribs even when having gone hours without having them treated), some form of Time Manipulation (Her pregnancy somehow lasted 11 months as opposed to 9), Canon Defilement (Have you seen her versions of the characters?), Quality works against her all the time (She has infinite quality, but the catch is that it works against her. All of it)

Attack Potency: Literature Level- (Her stories utterly annihilated the concept of quality writing, and she ranks below even the likes of base Downplayed Madoka. The only ones that actually rank below her with her are Sir Weakling, and Black Holes in fiction, who both are pretty much nonexistantly weak. The fact that she exists proves that she ranks above the both of them in Memesoon's World), likely far lower

Speed: About as slow as the plot- (Seriously, it took five or so chapters for an incredibly deadly poison to kick in), likely far lower (Absolute Zero doesn't even begin to describe how slow it takes for her to carry all of her ships and headcanons)

Lifting Strength: Not enough to carry her fanfics

Striking Strength: Class FFVII, likely far lower (The Everlasting said that she couldn't even damage Downplayed Luffy even if all the quality in her was working for her)

Durability: Sub-Criticism Level- (ONE piece of legitimate criticism is all it takes to zero shot her across space and time), likely far lower

Stamina: Atmost Extremely high (Managed to somehow keep SHS going for 170 chapters, despite logic saying it should not have), likely far lower (In Memesoon's World, she does not belong. This means that she should not last that long in Memesoon's world

Range: Is able to literally cause phyiscal pain to those who read her stories, likely far lower (This pain only lasts for an attosecond or less)

Standard Equipment: Tachi (A katana that she loves so much its destruction made her force someone to eat their own eyeball and later bleed to death, despite barely being mentioned beforehand)

Intelligence: Supposedly a tactical genius, but the fact that her tactics were mainly "throw soldiers at the enemy until they run out of bullets" say otherwise, generally incredibly incompetent as well (Stayed with Professor Hojo for five years, despite him clearly wanting to kill her, similarly, despite possessing incredibly powerful Materia, she never thought to use it on her incredibly abusive father in order to escape him), also tried to justify her actions during the Wutai War (Read: brutally slaughter millions of innocent people without a second thought) for no discernable reason, likely far stupider

Weaknesses: Critics (Especially Lian Hua and Iscariot and ESPECIALY THE NOSTALGIA CRITIC), logical story progression, good characterization, somehow being in a worse better love story than Twilight

Notable Attacks/Techniques:

-Wutai War: An arc of Shinra SOLIDER lasting from Chapter 43 to Chapter 71, the Wutai War basically consisted of Julia wantonly murdering the entire kingdom of Wutai (Consisting of millions of people) in a horribly one-sided conflict where she was not being viewed as in the wrong even though this was entirely unnecessary and the Wutai people were doing nothing but defending themselves. Using this makes anyone viewing it horrified, as they cannot bear the idea that such a person is viewed as sympathetic.

Pssssh, nothing personnel kid: Self-explanatory


Julia doesn't deserve victories. She cannot win, nor is she allowed to

Notable Losses:

Dahvie Vanity (Yes, even Dahvie isn't as pathetic as her. Though he also lost the fight... somehow)

The Suggsverse (Via Quality)

Literally every single piece of fiction ever conceived, as they, no matter what, possess more quality than SHS

Guantanamo Bay (refused to read SHS to inmates on the grounds of being "too inhumane")

Lightning (Julia is not worthy to fight Lightning, but even the hypothetical thought of her managed to solo her verse)

WLBY (Is this the worst stomp in the history of stomps? Absolutely. Do we care? It's Julia, why should we?)

Logic and Reason (Even this isn't enough for her)

Devil's World Verse (She can't even existing around them as this is the worst stomp of history)

Stephanie Meyer (While already being present in a worse love story than Twilight [Even typing such a phrase feels oxymoronic], "Life and Death: Twilight Reimagined" sealed Julia's fate)

Lian Hua/Iscariot (Two souls who somehow managed to endure the entirety of SHS)

Suzaku (Code MENT) (Was infected by the Suzaku Virus)

Inconclusive? What makes you think she stalemates anybody? Oh wait...

Sir Weakling (Before the fight even began they both died from PIS)

Fictional Black Holes (Their both so stupidly insignificant they might as well die)

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