| “ | Of Course I-I'm The One, you moron! I am The Son of GOD!! I was sent down by my father, to lead his flock to paradise... To atone for the sins of Adam and Eve in the garden! I am of one flesh with the divine, and of the lineage of Abraham! I will bring forth a new age, and a new covenant, shall be my legacy! I WILL VANQUISH, ALL EVIL, IN MY FATHER'S NAME! AMEN!!! | „ |
| ~ Jesus explaining his purpose to Judas |
| “ | Get ready to receive some holy spirit! | „ |
| ~ Jesus before beating the shit out of Judas |
| “ | My hands must be temple... 'Cause these fists are open for business! | „ |
| ~ Jesus before beating up The FBI Agents |
You better hope for a miracle if you see this face...
Summary[]
Jesus Is a character from the Ethereal Snake Jesus’ Betrayal Series. Unlike the person he's based on, this version of Jesus is written as an unstable, egotistical Manson-esque cult leader with a penchant for swearing and kung fu. Although he seems to keep most of the stuff you'd expect of Jesus, with the Disciples, the miracles, and the like... This story takes place in a bizarre half medieval half modern day society... They have cars, helicopters, guns, and explosives... Yet there are still Emperors, rock buildings, and people wearing togas. The story begins when one of Jesus' disciples, by the name of Peter, is shot in the head by The Feds. Jesus and Judas manage to run away, but Judas (who is secretly a rat and is the cause of the shooting) is forced by The Feds to try and get Jesus to admit to being The Son of God. He succeeds at doing this, but is unable to get his hidden radio to work, which leads to Jesus realizing that he is a traitor. After finding out that Judas ratted them out to The Feds, Jesus proceeds to give him a well-deserved No-Holds-Barred Beat Down. Before Jesus can do much more, The Feds come in to distract Jesus, which gives Judas time to pull out a gun and shoot him. Fortunately, Jesus manages to survive this thanks to the cross necklace he was wearing. (Which is a bit dark, considering before Jesus died on the cross, crosses were considered torture devices...) After this, Jesus escapes by running away across the ocean. The Roman Empire then lied to the people by claiming Jesus had died, but in truth, he was just hiding out in secret... After many months of this, The Feds managed to find his secret hiding place, only for Jesus to come back and beat down the entire FBI regiment with his bare hands. Tired of running, Jesus tells The Romans through a stolen radio that he is coming for them... But they had anticipated this, and have prepared a "secret weapon" for when Jesus returns...
Powers and Stats[]
Tier: 9-B
Name: Jesus Christ of Nazareth, Jesus Christ, Jesus, Son of a Bitch (By Judas)
Origin: Ethereal Snake
Gender: Male
Age: Unknown (Seems to be a middle-aged adult.)
Classification: Human, Son of God, Holy Figure
Powers and Abilities: Superhuman Physical Characteristics, Magic, Holy Manipulation, Social Influencing (Managed to found his group of Disciples, is a big enough threat that the entire Roman Empire has tried to kill him multiple times. Distracted an FBI Agent by making a bad pun long enough to suplex him), Light Manipulation (A Halo and an Aura of light appeared across his body after Judas tried to shoot him, made the area around him turn a dark red and later made the light around him fade away just by talking), Martial Arts (Is a skilled wrestler/martial artist), Stealth Mastery (Snuck up on a group of FBI Agents multiple times), Healing (Claimed that he can heal Leprosy), Sound Manipulation (Can make his voice sound deeper and more demonic at will), Transmutation (Can passively turn water into wine with just his mere presence), Water Walking (Can move across water as if it was solid ground), Possibly Duplication (Has dozens of boxes of Gordon Brand Fish Sticks, suggesting he has the power to duplicate fish like in the original Bible story), Possibly Curse Manipulation, Blood Manipulation, and Pain Manipulation (In the video The Death of Jesus, a Pastor retelling the story is suddenly struck with agonizing pain, then two stigmata wounds burst from his hands as a ghostly face of Jesus appears. Although it's possible the video isn't Canon... Considering in this story Jesus never got crucified, and his tendencies towards violent revenge, it's entirely possible that Jesus cursed anyone who retold the fake Roman propaganda version of events to suffer this fate...)
Attack Potency: Wall Level (Decapitated a man with a Karate chop, threw an Armored FBI Agent dozens of meters with zero effort, and defeated an entire squad of them without being hit once. Easily overpowered and beat up Judas, even managing to knock him out by throwing his cross necklace at him.) Can Ignore Durability with his Blood Curse/Transmutation.
Speed: At least Subsonic (Managed to escape from a group of armed police officers and a police helicopter, was able to sneak up on and defeat a squad of FBI Agents armed with machine guns without being shot a single time.)
Lifting Strength: Class 1 (Can throw people around like Ragdolls and effortlessly snap necks. lifted an armored FBI Agent off the ground by the neck with a single arm.), possibly Higher (Has a massive rock which functions as a door to his secret hideout. This rock was so large, that the Feds had to use dynamite to get in, and Jesus is implied to have casually moved the rock about, since there's no other way into the building...)
Striking Strength: Wall Class (Karate chopped a man's head off, easily overpowered Judas and beat him bloody.)
Durability: Wall Level (Should scale to his attack potency, was merely knocked over after being shot with a revolver.)
Stamina: Very High (Rarely shown to get tired throughout the series... Was able to run away from the cops after beating the crap out of Judas and taking the recoil of a shot from a revolver. Defeated an entire army of FBI Agents with little effort.)
Range: Melee Range Normally, at least Dozens of Meters with Transmutation, Possibly Planetary with Blood Curse...
Standard Equipment: Cross Necklace
Intelligence: Above Average (Started his group of disciples, and is implied to have done many of the things the original Jesus did. Managed to figure out Judas was a rat after remembering he said the phrase "last supper". Escaped the Feds and Police for a decent bit of time, long enough to build a secret hideout with a kitchen, a room full of books, and other such amenities. Has multiple fake passports that he used to travel to different areas. Is an extremely skilled martial artist, and often uses wrestling moves to great effect in fights.)
Weaknesses: He cannot bring people back from fatal wounds like head shots, he rarely uses weapons and prefers to fight hand to hand even against people who are armed with guns. Jesus is a bit of a hypocrite, since he killed a man for saying "Oh my God", yet he said "God damn" right before he killed him...
Gallery[]
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