| “ | Wrestle with Jeff, prepare for death. | „ |
| ~ Jeff Kaplan |
Summary[]
Jeff Kaplan is the lead game designer of Overwatch who was born with a strange mutation which made him have an elliptically shaped butt which can squirt water and super strength giving him the ability to wrestle people and pin them down in a matter of 17 seconds. He was also an inmate at one point in his life however the reasons for being able to escape are unknown besides being transcendent. He is also very affiliated with the music industry as his latest album, "You reposted in the wrong developer update" skyrocketing on the charts. Also confirmed to be the biggest troll ever (Gave us a fricking robot and not Doomfist. Side Note: At least we have him now but still doesn't disprove my previous point...) and will most likely be a hero as confirmed in one of his developer updates and a trailer showing him with a minigun.
Powers and Stats[]
Tier: Wrestled with the tiering system, so it prepared for death
Name: This is Jeff from the Overwatch team
Origin: Overwatch transcendent
Gender: Appears Male
Age: Unknown
Classification: Appears human, true form is unknown to mortals
Powers and Abilities: Wrestling, Squirting water out of his butt which can melt everything in existence, instantly winning any battle with the press of a button, long ranged beam sniper, capable of making his beard disappear and reappear in a matter of seconds
Attack Potency: Makes it so you buy loot boxes forever until you either die, or the best skins unlock which never happens so it should be beyond infinity infinities
Speed: However fast it takes him to nerf a character, so a speed so fast that it cannot be described with mortal words, only the words of Jeff and no other being.
Lifting Strength: However many copies of Overwatch were sold throughout the omniverse and beyond times infinity
Striking Strength: Wrestling pins down all of the existences and realities and an infinite amount of infinities times that and pleading for mercy in 17 seconds.
Durability: Eats salty tears of fans, which in turn should make him immortal to literally every concept ever as he feeds on the essence of existence.
Stamina: Anything you can do, he can do better no matter who or what you are, therefore making his stamina higher than yours
Range: Long ranged beam always gives him the range advantage over any opponent
Standard Equipment: Minigun, insta-win button, glasses
Intelligence: Beyond the concept of intelligence as he always knows how to make fans cry even across any kind of dimension and universe and even above what above the above times infinity created
Weaknesses: Literally nothing at all, as everything else' existence or beyond that is just a mere illusion to him.
Notable Attacks/Techniques[]
Born a Winner: Jeff presses a button faster than a speed that can even be put into words and just wins ignoring any ability the opponent could possibly ever have to make them immune to it. Instantly charges and is used to win no matter what time, reality, or existence the opponent lives on.
Nerf: Nerfs any opponent in existence down to the point where they are basically worthless and nothing in existence is immune to it as it bypasses all beyonds and existences the character has.
Loot Boxes: Makes it so you waste all your time and money into buying loot boxes. Makes you sell your own existence to him no matter what being you are, as the temptation is above all forms of infinity.
Developer update: Shows his true self to us mere mortals where he gives information on the latest updates getting the opponent completely angered at some of his decisions making the opponent immediately ragequit existence, bypassing anything they have of course.
The Doomfister: Jeff Kaplan captures his opponent and forces them to test his new Doomfist cosplay, which basically involves him punching them in the face while screaming "Numbani belongs to me" for about 20 hours a day.
Others[]
Notable Victories:
You (Especially if you play OW)
Ana mains (They prepared to cry and did)
Mccree mains (Their reaction was as he expected)
D.Va mains (The shield nerf he gave to her was too much)
Anyone else who mains any other character (Stomp)
All of Blizzard's staff (Stomp)
Notable losses: Jeff transcends way too much to have losses at all
Inconclusive matches:
Jeff Kaplan (Tried to wrestle himself, then the first lootbox was created which contained only one blue and three greys. The greys were all of existence and memes while the blue was everything above that. Jeff is confirmed to be a legendary, meaning his own existence is above that of any other kind of existence itself)