Stare into the eye holes of God himself.
| “ | Teach a man to fish, you've fed him for a day. Throw him in the fucking lake, you've taught him to swim. | „ |
Summary[]
Once, there was a user by the name of Awesomecrafter345. Having observed JBW's domain for some time now and having grown tired of the very restricting attitude of VSBW, he decided to shed his skin as an idiotic 12 year old's profile and embrace his inner edgy 14 year old, becoming the Patron Saint of Skellingtons, Crabwhale.
Although at first just a regular ignorant user contributing to the already incessant Godmode infestation, Crabwhale quickly rose to become one of the most vocal opponents of said type of profile. He also was the originator, along with Triple X, of the cancer that would eventually spawn the infamous Not-Paradox series, and would direct or co-direct all subsequent installments or spin-offs of the franchise.
Because somehow Ryu didn't understand just how beyond hope this skeletal specimen was, he was somehow promoted to Discussion Moderator, and grew to become one of the most influential figures in JBW history, in a manner of barely a few months. So great did his power get, that he was promoted again in barely over a month, and even one profile was not enough to contain it (a.k.a. I thought the other one was getting a bit cluttered, so I made this one).
And then he went and fooked it all to Hell.
Powers and Stats[]
Tier: At least Bullshit Staff Tier, likely far higher | No One Cares Anymore lol
Name: Crabbius Crabborson Whaler the IV, nicknames include: Crabwhale, Seacreatureamalgamation (by Triple X) and Crabs
Origin: Gojipedia (Yes, this was the first site I ever made an edit on, all the way back in March 2015)
Gender: Mail
Age: Several months in this wiki, a few years in general being on Wikia (and has the maturity to show for it) | Closer to death
Classification: Skeletor, Admin, Idiot, "Artist", Lord of the Skulingtons, God of Death, Decay, and Despair, Stand User | Some regular user Ig I dunno man
Powers and Abilities: Profile Creation, Profile Manipulation, Page Editing, Meme Mastery, Photoshop Mastery, Sealing (Can lock profiles), Banishment (Can ban users), Durability Negation, Thread Creation/Manipulation, BFR (Can remove entire threads), Dimensional Manipulation (Every single thread can be considered its own reality and he can create, destroy, fundamentally change or even move them around from board to board), Spam Manipulation, Spam Negation (Killed a vast majority of this wiki's spam, along with his fellow Staff members), Admin Privileges (At least Mid Level), Void Manipulation (Can delete entire pages, threads and comments forever), Cringe Manipulation (To such an inherently great extent that any interaction shared with Yellowpig10 or T H O T S L A Y E R can be considered a cringe battle), Gay Manipulation (To a lesser extent than his previous form, but still...he is a Skeletor), Limited Time Manipulation (Can easily hasten the wasting of his own lifetime by frequenting the Internet), Disease Manipulation (Just being near him will eventually cause a person to develop stage 4 terminal cancer), Thread Decay (Any thread he is involved with for an extended period of time eventually becomes a clusterfuck of dead memes), Existential Mastery, Regeneration [At least Mid-High (regenerated from being totally explod in a matter of minutes), likely High-MAY MAY], Immortality (Type 1, 2, 3, 7 and 8; As long as the concept of him exists, he will always remain. Also a ded boi), Conceptual/Reality Manipulation (Can fundamentally alter the very basic code of the Wiki itself, even if he is a complete pleb at it), Power Bestowal (Can grant Discussion Moderator and Chat Moderator rights). Power Nullification (Can take those same rights away), Ice/Fire Manipulation (Is super chill and sarcastic half the time, outright raging and swearing the other half), Calcium/Bone Manipulation (He thanks Mr Skeltal every day and night, even though he is skeltal himself), Fake News Manipulation (The wins Seol and Rodri have against him are just fake news, they were both added by manipulating his words, and anyone who says otherwise probably has their entire forehead as fake news as well), Enhanced Senses (Due to being a native to a former communist nation, his socialism senses are extremely keen, to the point where he can instantly tell whether another person is a communist or not simply by observing them), Summoning (Can drag summon other members and staff, such as KingPin0422 here or Birb here), Precognition (Predicted Rora Raro's exact actions on this thread) | Being a fun guy???, Social Influencing (Still has a bit of pull on JBW's existence, being a former mod)
Attack Potency: At least Bullshit Staff Level, likely far higher (One of the most powerful and active members of the site. Should be at least equal to Seol404) Banning bypasses conventional durability (This ability can even affect the founder himself, despite the fact that he can unban himself) | Pretty high I guess...maybe level
Speed: Omnipresent (Reacted to numerous spamming troll accounts immediately even before being promoted, putting numerous threads on lockdown and deleting comments faster than they could make them), Omnipresent-er via Recent Activity (Can interact with every thread simultaneously, giving them all his glorious cancer) | Athletic Human (Maybe? Haven't tested sprint in a few months)
Lifting Strength: At least Class Staff, likely far higher (Should logically be far superior to his previous self, as Discussion Mods are insignificant gnats in comparison to Admins) | Athletic Human (Can deadlift 140 kg/308 lbs)
Striking Strength: At least Lol Class, likely far higher (Even his infinitely inferior previous self's mere text could re-vertebrate across an entire thread, or even an entire wiki, can make numerous users want to uninstall life by simply existing), banning ignores conventional durability | I can deck a guy pretty hard I guess Class
Durability: At least Un-fucking-touchable Level, likely far higher (Can withstand scathing from Seol. Managed to watch the ending of Infinity War with only mild difficulty, although did feel like shit afterward) | Gets frequently hurt by boulders level
Stamina: High (Could keep up with a spammer's shit for nearly an hour, even before being upgraded) | The same I guess, probably a bit better
Range: The entire wiki | Same but not the same
Standard Equipment: The Basement, Ban Hammer | A pack of gum and cocaine
Intelligence: Omniscient (Can observe all that there is and isn't happening on JBW, expect for private messages on chat, but nobody ever uses chat here, so...) | Still the same roughly
Weaknesses: All the notable weaknesses of his previous self to lesser extent, outside of this and Godmodes Wiki he drops back down to base | Meh
Notable Attacks/Techniques:
- Swearing: His most often used technique and certainly his most versatile. Can be used in anything from roasts to comedy to serious issues, it's express purpose is to emphasize something.
- Sarcasm: A technique similar to swearing, and sometimes even a subset of it, it is almost exclusively used for mocking what he deems is wrong, nonsensical or just plain stupid.
- Meme Generation: Like all the others on the Paradox Threads, he is capable of generating a near-endless amount of memes. Memes, in turn, generate an amount of a certain phenomena, depending on the quality of the meme. These phenomena are typically negative (like cringe, entropy, and disgust), though some are positive (Like laughter, kinship, and similar emotions), and will generate more of that phenomena the longer they are around.]
- DA-C69: Thousands of cringual INBM warheads ready to be deployed at anytime from his Deviantart account.
- Photoshop: Possibly his most powerful tool. Used correctly, it can end entire arguments with no resistance or even create new memes out of the corpses of old.
- OVO: Although he has never used it (and doesn't intend to), after witnessing others use it and studying it for several weeks (read: looking at the profile a few times), he should be more than capable of utilizing OVO. However, the degree of his mastery will likely remain unknown for the foreseeable future.
O O
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- A technique stemming from a self-taught and self-made meme-tial art that he developed after studying the OVO. His most powerful attack, so powerful in fact that even Bold lettering or Bulleted lists cannot contain it. Designed as a rival to the fully powered OVO, it is far less versatile, though possesses greater impact and destructive potential.
- OOF: A technique meant to express relief, annoyance or alarm, though can also be used for practically everything else.
- REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!: A technique used when a blasphemous act is committed in his presence.
- RESET: An ability available to him on any Forum thread or even profile: Crabs is capable of undoing time itself to get to a point where he wants. The RESET can be partial, such as removing a certain outcome of the timeline, but letting the memories of it intact, or TRUE, in which the case the subject is entirely undone from history.
- The Basement: Crabs throws his opponent in the Basement, his own dimension of pain and suffering where they will rot for as long as he deems fit. Alternatively, Crabwhale can summon the manifestation of the Basement, the Scary Doggo, to maul his opponents.
- Nuke: A tool made available to him by Kaltias on VSBW, Crabs can completely erase any comment and file ever added by a user. It is his most powerful tool, and possibly, one of the most powerful tools in all of Wikia, as it can easily annihilate any user's existence and even plunge the wiki into chaos, depending on how many edits they have. Therefore, Crabs has sworn an oath to never use this terrible weapon, except only in the case of total trolls or spammers.
Key: Admin | After stepping down
Others[]
Notable Victories:
- Numerous troll accounts
- All of the victories of his previous self
- Himse-okay, this joke is getting old
Notable Losses:
- Antvasima (Was banned by him once when he was still an idiot fucc child. Don't worry tho, no hard feelings, he's a cool dude)
- Negative-Ryukama, Negative-Ryukama's profile (Both where at their strongest),
- Himself (This was a stomp)
- T H O T S L A Y E R T H O T S L A Y E R's Profile (Crab's research)
Inconclusive matches: