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Chris Chan (Real World)

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“ I am not sure what to make of him. He sits in his chair and draws his Sonichu comics. Harmless, I assume. Yet, I feel like he knows he's different. He knows that the world rushing in front of him is not his own. Surrounded by the "brightest" students in America, whatever that means, he sits in his chair and draws. 23 years old. I'm not sure he even graduated high school. In front of him texts of Plato, Faulkner, God, and Kleist swirl. Does he have the capacity to understand these works? Whether he can or not, I am not sure, but there is something in his eyes that realizes that there is a level of understanding and thought that he is unable to partake in. As he slumps lower and lower in his chair with each student he eyes reading or holding a book, he falls into himself - into the markers and colors on the page in front of him. He seems intelligent enough to understand that he does not understand, and that is the hardest part of all. „
~ An anonymous University of Virginia student on Chris

Summary[]

Christine Weston Chandler (Formerly Christian Weston Chandler), also known as Chris Chan, is the true and honest creator of Sonichu and the comic series of the same name. Coddled by his parents to a ridiculous extent, Chris has continued to live like a child well into adulthood, remaining unemployed while drawing comics at an excruciatingly slow pace and using taxpayer funds to buy video games, fast food, and toys. This lifestyle, alongside the notoriously low quality of his comics, led Chris to become the subject of bullying on the Internet. Chris was ill-equipped to deal with this, and reacted in an entirely inappropriate manner. His absurd display of arrogance, and moral bankruptcy propelled his to infamy, sparking an intense online trolling campaign in which he was repeatedly catfished, hacked, impersonated, and generally tormented by increasingly ridiculous troll personas.

Following the death of Chris's father, Bob Chandler, most of Chris's trolls retired out of sympathy, leaving his largely to his own devices. During this period, he ran over a store manager with hhis car, came out as transgender, accidentally burned his house down, and pepper sprayed a GameStop employee while protesting the color of Sonic the Hedgehog's arms. With the more lighthearted trolls gone, far more malicious ones eventually took their place, brainwashing Chris into a belief system in which he was a goddess with magical powers who was destined to merge reality with fiction. This culminated in Chris being goaded into having sex with his own elderly mother, whose mental state and ability to consent were considered to be dubious at best. After a brief period on the run, Chris was apprehended by authorities and proceeded to spend the next two years in jail. In 2023, Chris was released on a court order, and the charges against his were dropped. Chris now walks free, and has been spotted in public. His presence on the Internet is currently limited, but he has stated that he plans to properly return to his “fans" in the near future. When that happens, only GodJesus knows what's in store for us.

Powers and Stats[]

Tier: 9-C. 9-B with Son-Chu. 2-C with the Dimensional Merge

Name: Christopher Weston Chandler, Christian Weston Chandler, Chris, CWC, Ricardo, Chris Chan, the Strong Man, Ian Brandon Anderson, Solid Chris, Junior Jenkins, JenkinsJinkies, Chrissy, Carlos Chantor, Chris Chan Sonichu, Christine Weston Chandler, Stephanie Bustcakes, Night Star, CPU Blue Heart, Mama, Magi-Chan, Sonichu, Jesus Christ, Jesus Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu, Jesus Christ Chan Sonichu, Christ Chan Prime

Origin: The Real World/YouTube

Gender: Male (1982-2014), Female (2014-present)

Age: 42 years old

Classification: Autistic manchild, virgin with rage (formerly), freelance comic book artist, musician, self-proclaimed goddess

Powers and Abilities:

Attack Potency: Street level (Repeatedly claimed that he could effortlessly defeat Clyde Cash, as well as other trolls. Threatened to kill all of Clyde Cash's family members. Stated that he could take on Alec Benson Leary, Mao Ling, Sean Watley and Evan Christopher George all at once. Damaged a car by kicking it. Overpowered his mother, who fought a police officer and survived a collision with a semi-truck which destroyed her van. Shook her entire house by bouncing her leg. The kinetic energy of his punches should be on this level. Weapons are on this level). Wall level with Son-Chu. Low Multiverse level with the Dimensional Merge (Successfully merged two universes, C-1218 and C-197, into one universe)

Speed: At least Average Human on his own. Subsonic with Son-Chu

Lifting Strength: Class 10 (Curled 50 pounds of lemonade for 50 reps, putting his one rep max-lift for the exercise at 133 pounds, a feat only achieved by bodybuilders and powerlifters with years of intense training and extensive usage of performance-enhancing drugs. Lifted a very heavy office chair (Note: the chair weighs a grand number of pounds). Later lifted the same chair, but with a very heavy basket full of junk. Carried Patti's doghouse, which must have weighed 5-10 tons)

Striking Strength: Street level (Chris weighs 94.8 kilograms. The average human arm accounts for ~5.70% of total body weight, meaning Chris' arm should weigh about 5.4036 kilograms. Using the average speed of a human punch (11.176 m/s), we can deduce that a single punch from Chris would be able to generate roughly 337.46286 joules of kinetic energy)

Durability: Street level (Survived multiple beatings from police officers. Stronger than Barbara, who survived a collision which totaled her van). Wall level for Son-Chu

Stamina: Superhuman (Drank 120 cans of Coca-Cola in a single day on multiple occasions and was completely fine afterwards. Shoved shards of his broken clay medallion up her rectum with only mild discomfort. Dicked is PS3 for eight minutes straight. Endured sticking his cock in the snow for fifteen minutes, and has apparently frozen his penis before. Cut his perineum open and believed nothing was wrong, only seeking medical attention when his followers pressured him into doing so. Survived getting dogpiled by police officers multiple times)

Range: Standard Melee Range, Extended Melee Range with baseball bat and pepper spray, Several Meters with tasers, Tens of Meters with Megatron pistol, Low Multiversal with magic (Can possess characters from Dimension C-197. Successfully brought about the dimensional merge)

Intelligence: Below Average (Was catfished by the Sonichu Girls dozens of times and repeatedly tricked by the Miscreants, never learning from his mistakes. Genuinely believes that he has magical powers, and uses these techniques in public. Has learned almost everything he knows about the world from television and video games)

Standard Equipment: Various sex toys, Cutco knives, Son-Chu, Megatron pistol, pocket knife, pepper spray, baseball bat, Gitar Of Fail (Guitar Hero controller), tasers, Sonichu Medallion

  • Optional Equipment: Broken sign pieces, a fish

Weaknesses: Incredibly gullible and inept. Prone to blackmail and trolling. Unable to see the flaws in his actions, and instead attributes almost everything to his autism. Has an enormous ego, believing Sonichu to have over 1,000,000,000 fans. Suffers from eyesight problems of some sort, and possibly facial blindness. Has an extremely poor understanding of the people and world around his, which has mostly been shaped by television, movies, and video games. Believes that cartoon characters are actually alive in another dimension, leading her to value and form emotional attachments to them as if they were real people. Poor health makes him susceptible to various diseases. Insane. Suffers from incontinence. Completely delusional, genuinely believing himself to be the second coming of Jesus Christ who is married to her OCs, can physically interact and dance with them, and will bring about a dimensional merge to bring reality and fiction together. Unable to accept his weight, describing himself to be “fit as a fiddle”. Cannot run for more than 10 seconds without getting tired. His attempts at transitioning between genders have amounted to drug abuse and self-harm. Feeds his trolls incessantly, destroying any chance of them leaving hos alone in the process.

Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha

Notable Attack/Techniques:

  • Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha: Chris channels anger to his hands, before putting them together at his side and throwing the energy at his target(s). This curses the target(s) with horrible luck.
    • Curse Shot: Similar to the Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha, except he holds out his hand in the shape of a gun and mimics the act of shooting the target. This achieves the same sort of ominous misfortune without requiring several minutes of preparation, which is handy if he happens to be running away from mall security. On a few occasions, he has performed a variation on this theme using his Megatron pistol.
  • Forgiveness Blessing: Allows Chris to cure any virus or physical ailment.
  • Hono: An incantation which causes homosexuals, regardless of gender, to permanently become straight. Chris's words, not ours.
  • Peaceful Teaching: Ends every conflict and disagreement within a 1000 mile radius, and turns all weaponry in the area to dust.
  • Come to me, my Women: Summons every 18-41 year old single woman within a 5 mile radius.

Others[]

Notable Victories:

Notable Losses:

Inconclusive Matches:

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