Cantseeshitman (r/whowouldcirclejerk)

Cantseeshitman, pictured without his blindfold.

“	HOME GROWTH!!	„
	~ Cantseeshitman

Summary

Cantseeshitman is the version of Satoru Gojo used in r/whowouldcirclejerk. He is notable for being blind as a bat if you cut its eyes and echolocation sensors off. He also has a lot of simps for some ungodly reason despite the fact that he is married to his loving husband Geto.

Powers and Stats

Tier: Low 2-C

Name: Cantseeshitman, Satoru Gojo, THE GOJOAT!!, Limitlessman

Origin: r/whowouldcirclejerk, Jujutsu Kaisen

Gender: Male normally, Non-Binary during Reverse Pronoun Technique

Age: 28

Classification: Blind Man, Sorcerer

Powers and Abilities:

• Existence Erasure, Durability Negation (Because he can't see anything, it disappears due to not being there.)
• Rizzversal Accuasalityohiolysis (Definition unknown, but Cantseeshitman is stated to have it.)
• Reality Warping, Subjective Reality, Nigh-Omnipotence, Spatial Manipulation (via his Woke Techniques)
• Incorporeality (Can't be touched)
• Forcefield Creation (via Fuck Off Barrier)
• Creation (Can summon imaginary apples to defeat doctors.)
• Healing, Linguistics Manipulation, Identity Manipulation (via Reverse Pronoun Technique)
• Status Effect Inducement (Can blind himself with his blindfold),
• Regeneration (Mid; Can regenerate from being cut in half bro I swear Gojo is coming back bro im not coping bro.)
• Gay Manipulation (Powerful enough to counter the Homophobia Force)
• Durability Negation (Via Halfinity)
• Resistance to:
  • Fiction Soloing (Able to counteract Soloku's verse-soloing by giving good head.)

Attack Potency: Universal+ (Said to be High Complex Universal. As this not a real tier, Universal+ is used in place of it.)

Speed: Average Human Level, but I guess technically Immeasurable because of Purple Nurple but that doesn't fucking count you nerds.

Lifting Strength: Unknown.

Striking Strength: Unknown.

Durability: Building Level (Survived being spit on by Youjizzbro Hanma)

Stamina: Average

Range: Small City Level normally, Infinite when in that bullshit-ass Blue Ball Technique.

Standard Equipment: His blindfold (Makes him not be able to see shit.)

Intelligence: Gifted (Able to graduate from a highly complex university)

Weaknesses: He can't see shit, additionally, forcing him to be straight kills him and making sound can remind him that his opponent is there, negating Can't See Shit. He is also weak to offscreen attacks.

Notable Attacks/Techniques:

• Can't See Shit: Reality temporarily functions as if object permanence doesn't exist, with Cantseeshitman being the focal point.
• Fuck Off Barrier: Makes a barrier that is able to tank most attacks.
• Woke Techniques: Due to being a homosexual, Cantseeshitman is able to harness the powers of being Awake.
  • Blue Ball Technique: Able to subdivide reality in accordance with Zeno's paradox of the arrow, usually used to avoid women.
  • Red Eyes Technique: It's weed. It's just weed. Hilarious.
  • Purple Nurple Technique: Attacks his opponent with existence-erasing vague infinity, confounding powerscalers as they say it can do anything.
  • Lime Green Technique: Gives him temporary reality warping and nigh-omnipotence.
• Home Growth: Expands the range in which he can use his Techniques, and buffs them, guaranteeing a 100% hit rate as well. Envelops anyone inside the growth into his home, damaging their mind due to the cognitohazardous amount of mess inside of Cantseeshitman's room.
• Halfinity: Can split anything in half, regardless of it's length.
• Reverse Pronoun Technique: Cantseeshitman multiplies his own pronouns ((he/him) being equivalent to (e/i) * (1/m)) against itself to get it's polar opposite: (e/i) * (-1/m). He is then able to designate himself with the pronouns (e/i) * (-1/m), temporarily making -1/m think that e/i has a new identity and making e/i more Awake and healed via placebo. He can then replenish his Wakefulness and health again by reverting back to (e/i) * (1/m) and translating to (he/him). Despite the complicatedness of this strategy, Cantseeshitman is always able to revert back to (he/him) because he will always be HIM.

Others

Notable Victories:

Soloku (r/whowouldcirclejerk) (Base)

Notable Losses:

Off-Screen Goku (Obviously)

Inconclusive Matches:

Intimidation Man (r/whowouldcirclejerk) (Unknown whether Intimidation Man could offscreen Cantseeshitman before the universe realizes he's fighting non-fodder and offscreens him.)