  |
  If you are 18 years or older or are comfortable with graphic material, you are free to view this page. Otherwise, you should close this page and view another page. |
| “ | Aw. Look at little <insert name here> junior. Gonna cry? | „ |
| ~ Bully Maguire, mocking the reader. |
Summary
Bully Maguire, also known as Emo Pete Parker, is er, is… well, it’s hard to say really. A man of many talents, certainly. Even that might be understating the power of the biggest meanies in the outerverse, inadvertently birthed by a trilogy about a spandex-wearing hero, directed by a horror director masquerading as an action movie director.
Bully is a man beyond all concept of time, but his “birth” can be traced to Spider-Man 3 (2007), where Peter Parker, portrayed by Tobey Maguire, was infected by the Venom Symbiote, and went on the maddest of mad streaks: beating up his best friend and exploding half his face, mercilessly getting Eddie Brock fired, doing the greatest dance through New York of all time, hooking up with Betty Brant, taking the staff job at The Daily Bugle, taking Gwen Stacy to a jazz club to violate Mary Jane Watson, then back handing MJ and leaving. Yes ALL of that. Wow.
Subsequently, it appears Raimi and co. had no idea what they had just unleashed. Being left to brew for over a decade, Emo Pete Parker was back with a vengeance. Now seemingly with unlimited power and bullying ability, he would travel across fiction and the real world, humiliating any who stood in his way. He is also col.
He is mean. He is beautiful. He is all-powerful. Meet one of the strongest memes ever conceived, who’s gonna put some dirt in your eye. He is now Bully Maguire.
we should also mention his part-time career as Spider-Man, but he seems a bit lax on the whole anonymous superhero thing.
Powers and Stats
Tier: Memetic
Name: Bully Maguire (Portmanteau of Tobey Maguire and Bully), Peter Parker, Emo Pete Parker, Spider-Man (ocassionally)
Origin: Spider-Man (Raimi Trilogy)
Gender: Dork asf
Age: I missed the part where that's my problem.
Classification: Professional bully, Memelord, Rizzler, Staff Photographer at The Daily Bugle, Demon
Powers and Abilities: Superhuman Physical Characteristics, Emotional Manipulation (Can make people cry with no difficulty. Encounters with Bully often make his opponent extremely angry), Weapon Mastery (Can use guns, lightsabers, Harry Potter wands and more; often with little to no experience), Genius Intelligence (Has the best set of insults of all time), Magic (Has all the powers of Doctor Strange. Can use wands), Immortality (Types 2, 3 and 10: was severed in half by Obi-Wan Kenobi (High Ground Edition), and wasn't mortally wounded, instead performing his bully dance. Came back later like nothing ever happened), Bloodlust, Martial Arts (Is extremely good at doing a backhand while screaming), Thread Manipulation (Can shot web by himself. Laughs at every other version of Spider-Man that cannot do this), Acrobatics, Regeneration (True-Godly: Regenerated easily after ~10 years, despite the cancellation of Spider-Man 4 onwards, to live forever in the internet), Stealth Mastery. Enhanced Awareness, Perception Manipulation and Precognition (With Spider-Sense, though he now prefers to call it "Money-Sense"), Surface Scaling (Is sticky and sticks to things ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ) Broadway Force (With his epic song), Cloth Manipulation (Seemingly capable of changing between different outfits on the fly, instantaneously), Deconstruction (Snapped away half the universe, then went to snap away Maria Hill and Nick Fury himself because it was funny. Killed Lord Voldemort by touching him), Plot Manipulation (Joined the Avengers despite not even being in that universe. Replaced Darth Vader and changed the biggest twist in cinematic history), Blessed (Can lift Thor's Hammer, Mjölnir), granted Electricity Manipulation (Used to defeat the Incredible Hulk) and limited Flight. Dimensional Travel (with the Bullyforce), Rizz Manipulation (Capable of rizzing anyone with his bully dance. If it "doesn't work" on you, you're lying), Telekinesis (Can use The Force: Used the Force Slide to down Sidious' guards) Explosion Manipulation (Made Darth Sidious explode and kicked Yoshi so hard he exploded moments after he was kicked. Can also make and throw bombs), Attack Reflection (Sent a Blue Shell to 2nd place with a web, which should not even be possible. Used his Godly Pelvic Thrust to reflect Force Lightning), Invulnerability (Attacks often just bounce off him or do zero damage. Took an Iron Man Backbuster punch to the nuts, the bane of every mammal of the male sex ever, and was unharmed), Earth Manipulation (Can put dirt in people's eyes), Duplication (Can create virtually endless copies of himself), Summoning (Summoned Doc Ock into Family Feud by whistling, to kill Steve Harvey), Transformation (Can transform into Gigachad himself. Reached Ultra Bullystinct, which grants Instinctive Reaction, Extreme Willpower, Heat Generation, Danmaku and limited Power Nullification), Resistance to Time Stop (Moved during DIO's stopped time).
Attack Potency: Surpassing the concept of meme potential, cascading endlessly into new levels of strength (Can solo all of Marvel and DC by using dirt. Soloed Toy Story, who all scale to Woody, who can kill Xehanort. Has an ATK stat of 9999, which makes Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon's 4500 look like a dad joke. Killed Thanos THREE seperate times. Defied the largest Spider-Man plot point ever with sheer power, to kill Uncle Ben himself. Easily beat Hulk, who has infinite power. Can transform into Gigachad meaning he is far superior to even him, completely disrupting the entire outerverse by doing so. Speedran Minecraft in 1.78 seconds, accidentally killing the Ender Dragon with a pelvic thrust from his dance. Obliterated DIO with less than 1% of his full power. Defeated Son Goku (Wanked) with fucking recoil damage. Made an absolute fool of Jiren with Ultra Bullystinct. The fact he can deflect a Blue Shell makes him one of the most powerful characters in fiction and non-fiction, capable of soloing any Godmode. Executed Order 66. Killed Shrekverse Prince Charming. Vaporised Lord Voldemort with the force of his click. Powerful enough to kill Rey Skywalker Palpatine, a literal plot device programmed to always win. Totalled Lightning McQueen. Even in a supressed Mii form, can fight Matt), can ignore durability with Rizz Manipulation, making his opponent incapable of fighting back.
Speed: Raise up, get yourself together and drive that funky soul (Completely speed blitzed Nobel Prize Harry Osborn. Is capable of travelling faster than "Tom Holland and Jacob Batalon in a car" with his Pizza Scooter. Capable of throwing a bomb so fast that it made Lightning McQueen look nearly motionless, who is the literal definition of Speed. So omnipresent that he literally became every person in his universe for fun. Stole the infinity stones from Thanos faster than he, and the IW script (that required Thanos to win), could react. Golden Frieza, who can get infinitely stronger with a single push-up, is motionless compared to him.)
Lifting Strength: I'll be honest, does anyone really care about this stat in a debate? (But if you do want some feats... Capable of shitting out the entirety of a round on Hot Ones in under 30 seconds, which requires a body more sublime than God himself. Threw Dudley Dursley across an enclosure, who weighs more than "my conscience", which is REALLY heavy. Made Aunt Marge even heavier with magic despite the fact that she weighs 2 vigintillion times that of Dudley.)
Striking Strength: "Stings, doesn't it?" (Hooked Nobel Prize Harry Osborn so hard, that he was sent flying upward and not sideways, breaking all laws of continuity. Should scale above Insane Andrew Garfield, who killed Gwen Stacy. Surpassed the omnipotent powers of maternal love to backhand an old lady. Impaled Thanos with a stolen Stormbreaker. Fodderized Shrek, a top-tier meme.)
Durability: You wanna damage him? Get religion (Has a DEF stat of 4000, which surpasses Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon's 3800. This is, however, severe downplay considering he has fought himself. Took zero damage from a full power strike from Kylo Ren, despite him screaming hard enough to become a Tie Fighter. No-sold a Will Smith wife-motivated slap, getting up to taunt him before one-shotting him. Jiren couldn't damage him whatsoever, who should be somewhat comparable to El Hermano. Survived the ending of Return of the Jedi with nothing more than a bad back.)
Stamina: Practically beyond any reasonable bounds of possibilty. Just when you would think him exhausted, he simply gets up and utters "that all ya got?"
Range: Editing Software tier (Capable of reaching any fictional and non-fictional event and time possible with the power of memes)
Standard Equipment: Uses Hammerspace to summon any weapons he needs, including bombs, lightsabers, literal dirt, infinity stones, and many, many more.
Intelligence: NOBELH PRAIYZE! (Re-created the Iron Man suit, despite coming from a reality where the New Element, gold-titanium alloy and Arc Reactor didn't exist. Actually won the Nobel Death Prize, TAKE THAT, HARRY!! Can fight Jedi and Sith, who train with The Force to have multi-step precognition, and easily fodderize them. Discovered how to regenerate after ten years to become a meme, despite the fact he would not have existed by definition for that entire time period. Found how to lift Thor's hammer, despite not at all fitting the "worthy" definition. Can use the powers of the full Infinity Gauntlet despite not even having it. Discovered how to use magic in a few seconds after picking up a wand, and used it to kill Lord Voldemort, the most powerful and skilled Dark Wizard ever. Easily beat Squid Game.)
Weaknesses: Seems to have back issues, which occasionally inconvenience him. Other than that, none.
Notable Attacks/Techniques:
- Dirt in your eye - Puts dirt in the eye of his opponent, humiliating them beyond the capacity to fight back. Any characters that rely on sight are basically screwed.
- *Boo* - Retorts the threat issues by his opponent. Cuts their power to 1/100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 of what it once was.
- Bully dance - The legendary routine passed down from the deepest pits of hell. By popping his jacket and doing the most seductive pelvic thrusting ever, he instantly rizzes away the opponent's ability to fight.
- Bully walk - A lesser form of his dance. Walks toward his opponent, clicking like a boss, and gesturing to those around him. Works on 80% of his opponents and makes them incapable of fighting.
- Gonna cry? - Makes his opponent uncontrollably angry/depressed/scared.
- You want forgiveness? Get religion - A line so humiliating, it can turn the weak-minded opponent into fundamentalist Christians instantaenously. Famously used on Eddie Brock, who immediately went to Church to wish for the death of Emo Parker.
- I missed the part where that's my problem - Cancels out his opponents attack or power.
Others
Notable Victories:
Every other Spider-Man
Son Goku
Lord Voldemort
Lightning McQueen
Jiren
Rey PALPATINE
Nearly all of the Jedi
Will Smith
Ender Dragon
Nobel Prize Harry Osborn
DIO
And with that, I'm done. I'm not doing anymore
Notable Losses: Well, only his own back has really got the best of him. :D
Inconclusive Matches:
Drip Sonic (SuprEME Sonic was used. Bully was far more powerful, but Drip Sonic was far faster, resulting in a cataclysmic stalemate)
Himself, Tobey Maguire.
Matt from Wii Sports (While it appeared Mii Maguire defeated him, Matt likely lost on purpose so that the fight wouldn't have continued forever and destroyed the entire arena)