User blog:Ryukama/Azathoth's Sonichu Respecc Thread

Important Disclaimer
'''This blog was made by Azathoth. Not Ryukama. I'm just moving it over to Joke Battles for him.'''

Introduction
It's that time of year, again. A special holiday that comes around only once a year on the first of April. One dedicated to laughter and fun.

I am of course talking about the resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ.

So what better way to celebrate than by taking a look at one of the holiest comics known to mankind? That's right, it's the one and only Sonichu, a modern classic revered by literary buffs and casual readers alike. I'm SethTheProgrammer Azathoth the Abyssal Idiot, and today I'll be proving to you why Sonichu and his pals are stronger than you think! We'll be going through each issue, looking for those juicy feats so I can win an argument with some other guy on the internet who doesn't agree with me about a fictional character you know who you are, you piece of shit. It's time to zap to the extreme!

Issue 0



 * Sonichu is born from the colliding energies of Super Saiyan Sonic and what appears to be some sort of marshmallow Peep.  He quickly helps Sonic defeat Perfect Chaos, an enemy who can draw on the power of all seven Chaos Emeralds. Now I don't want to wank by scaling Sonichu to tier 4, so I'll be extremely conservative and say this feat makes him a bare minimum of Large Planet level, which I'm sure everyone can agree on.


 * The Chaotic Combo were created from this same energy, so obviously they scale.


 * Sonichu makes a girl he just met fall madly in love with him. Is this perhaps the work of Sonichu's totally legit galactic-scale mindhax?


 * Sonichu easily defeats Zapdos I think? Is that what's happening? God I don't even know, any more. . A very casual Small Country level feat for our protagonist.


 * A future version of Sonichu could cut 100 logs before breakfast. This is probably some kind of speed or stamina feat.


 * Sonichu outruns an explosion.


 * Sonichu's creator, Christian, showcases the ability to easily beat up some people who were just doing their jobs.


 * Chris-Chan Sonichu displays Relativistic+ to FTL reflexes, reflecting some lasers after they've already been fired. His thunderbolt attack is also powerful enough to defeat what seems to be a heavily-armored middle-aged black man.


 * Clearly a bit feat, but Chris-Chan Sonichu casually blocks a bullet.


 * He also shows off incredibly powerful Curse Manipulation + Probability Manipulation with his mighty shinyehameha. These curses are so powerful, they can even inflict the "Divorce" status condition.

Wow, what a doozy! And that's only issue 0!

Issue 1



 * We're properly introduced to Black Sonichu, who shows off some awesome power such as running at Subsonic speeds and City Block level striking strength. If you think these lower end feats actually contradict Sonichu's flawless scaling in any way then you're just an idiot and really should just never get on the internet again, okay?


 * Blachu demonstrates the ability to abuse the comic's profoundly shit perspective in order to achieve some sort of Size Manipulation.


 * Sonic dodges thunder bullets from Metal Sonichu. Despite the fact these act nothing like actual lightning and don't cause any sort of environmental damage, the fact that they're being used by a character who scales beyond Tier 8 automatically proves they're lightning speed and makes this feat casually MHS+. If you disagree, pls die thanks.


 * Sonic and Sonichu launch Metal Sonichu to the fucking MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!


 * Rosechu knocks out some of Blachu's teeth via what appears to either be a punch or some sort of fireball to the side of his head.


 * Christian can ascend to higher planes of reality through sheer force of will.

Those Hedgehog boys are are somethin' else, huh?

Issue 2



 * Christian uses his powerful Plot Manipulation to derail the entire fucking comic become the main character.


 * Christian astral projects himself in order to meet his very clearly native American ancestor.


 * I'm starting to get a bit confused, but I'm pretty sure this dude just turned into the sun.


 * Christian can use Yugioh cards, in real life. Look man, I just...sure. Whatever. Let's go with it.


 * The evil witch Slaeel Ryam summons a giant creature from Jewish folklore that dwarfs entire skyscrapers.


 * Chris-Chan Sonichu uses some sort of Matter Manipulation or Reality Warping to create and smoke the world's f a t t e s t blunt which burns a hole straight through the golem.

Every day, I feel the remaining dregs of my soul leak away. Every day, I drift further and further from God.

Issue 3



 * Christian demonstrates Nigh-Omniscience. Perhaps he is the avatar of a higher-being who transcends Sonichu's composite hierarchy? This is just one of the many parallels we can draw between Sonichu and Umineko along with the art quality pre-revised edition.


 * Christian breaks the fourth wall, confirming that much like Tori-Bot, he is an omnipotent entity. Also the Asian Sonichu punches some bitch through a roof.


 * Magi-Chan Sonichu shows off his Eldrad-level precognition.


 * He can also teleport. He's kinda OP and I'm hoping he gets nerfed in the next balance patch.


 * "Blackie's got a weak defense!"


 * Magi-Chan is so broken that his psychic attacks work on dark types.


 * Darkwing Duck Sonichu breaks some toys before a guy in a stupid hat can properly react.


 * Chris' anchuent powers turn his anime wings into real wings. This means Chris-Chan Sonichu canonically has the power to make anime real.


 * Darkbind Sonichu defeats what I'm 99% certain is the cyborg version of Dale from King of the Hill.

What an eclectic group of heroes! Or should I say, electric group of heroes? Bet ya'll can't wait to see what they get up to, next!

Issue 4



 * The first half of this issue is just reposts of the sub-episodes from the previous issues. Because fuck you.


 * Chris uses his summoning and life manipulation to summon the girl version of himself from a Yugioh card.


 * Chris and his sister kick some guy's head way into the distance.


 * Chris' body manipulation lets him make his finger the size of his head.


 * He can also levitate some literal pieces of shit.


 * And vomit natural disasters.


 * Some punk-ass bitch steps up to Chris so he pulls out a tHUNDERSWORD!


 * Crystal jacks some of Magi-Chan's OP powers.

Gee it sure seems like Sonichu isn't about FUCKING SONICHU, any more.

Issue 5



 * Chris becomes invisible. Probably because he wasn't actually invited to this wedding.


 * Chris activates Negate Attack. I wonder what that card does?


 * Chris can heal himself via more fucking Yugioh cards.


 * Chris is dating a Sailor Scout. This obviously means that base Chris is comparable in power to Sailor Moon.


 * Chris can also heal himself via getting a huge boner over a girl playing Guitar Hero.


 * God King Christian can summon the Chaotic Combo, as well as his girl self sister...?


 * Even a giant version of Chef from South Park ...what the fuck? can't stand against Chris-Chan Sonichu.


 * A purple lollipop sucks Chris into hell.


 * It's alright, though.

Clearly this is meaningless and won't actually have negative effects on the main cast is a risky direction for such a big franchise to take!